
"Hope and Despair" by Evelyn de Morgan

| The time of Spiritual Desolation is a time for being Resigned. When a Soul begins to Cultivate
the Spiritual Life, God usually showers His Consolations upon her to wean her away from the World; but when He sees her
making Solid Progress, He withdraws His Hand to Test her and to see if she will Love and Serve Him without the Reward of
Sensible Consolations. "In this life," as Saint Teresa used to say, "our lot is not to enjoy God,
but to do His Holy Will". And again, "Love of God does not consist in experiencing His Tenderness's,
but in serving Him with Resolution and Humility". And in yet another place, "God's true lovers are
discovered in times of Aridity and Temptation".
One Single Act done with Aridity of Spirit is worth more than many done with Feelings of Devotion. |

If Man tries to Plumb the Depths of his Soul, he finds himself at a Loss, for its Depths are Beyond his Reach. It is as if his Spiritual Footing has been Lost, Alienating him from the Essence of his Life. If he tries to examine his Faith and secretly measure it in his Heart, he finds that it has Died, Gone. If he knocks at the Door of Hope, if he clings to the Promises of God he had once Cherished and Lived by, he finds in what he used to find Hope has now turned to Ice. Hope is stuck in the Cold-Present and not willing to move beyond it.
Yet, amidst all these Crushing Inner Battles, the Soul somehow has an Intuition that all these Doubts are Untrue and that something must exist on the other-side of the Darkness. The Soul also feels that, in spite of itself, it is still United to the God Who has Forsaken it. The Soul continues to Worship God without Realizing or even Wanting to! Deep within, far away from the Mind's Eye or Discernment, the Heart continues to Pray, albeit it is a Prayer that gives him no Comfort or Assurance. When the Enemy seeks to deal his Fatal Blow, trying to Force the Soul to Renounce its Faith and Hope, he encounters no Response. The Soul may give-in to the Enemy in the Battle of the Mind in Complete Surrender and to the farthest limits of Error. But it is Absolutely Impossible for the Soul to take Action, for at the point where Imagination and Thought turn into Action, the Will springs-forth like a Lion out of his Den to Terrify all the Foxes of Corruption. Hence, behind Spiritual Languor there exists a Relationship with God that, though Inactive, is Real and still very Strong, Stronger than all the Whispers of the Devil. Yet until the Decisive-Moment of Danger, this Relationship Sleeps. This Relationship remains Hidden from the Soul. It is Vain to try to convince a Soul of its existence, that the Soul might Rely on this or Reassure itself of its presence. For in this Tribulation, the Soul is called to Stand Alone. The Soul remains within the Sphere of God's Dominion. Although unaware, it is still making Progress and on the Right Path. The Soul is still Led by an Invisible Hand and Carried by an Unfelt Power. The Tangible Proof for all this is the Extreme, Constant Grief of the Soul over its Fall from its Former Activity, Zeal, and Prominent Effort into its Present State. The Movement of Faith was born one day within the Heart of the Pilgrim, now on the Trek whose Final Destination is God. Faith was lit like a Lamp with the Light of God. It was Kindled by Love and Zeal, and has pushed the Soul forward on its March. The Pilgrim must not Believe that this Movement can be Abruptly Withdrawn from the Depths of his Heart, that he can be left in such Sudden Emptiness. It cannot be Assumed that a Man will constantly See or Feel the Light or Warmth of God. Yet both are Constant and Active, both in the Light of this Life as well as in its Darkness, its Coldness as well as its Warmth, its Happiness as well as its Grief. The Way of the Spirit is not to be measured exclusively by Periods of Light, Warmth, Joy, or Fruitful Activity. Periods of Impasse, of Darkness engulfing the Soul, of Grief which Oppresses the Heart, Periods of Coldness Paralyzing all Spiritual Emotion are Inseparable Parts of the Narrow Spiritual Way. Such conditions seem Adverse, Painful, and Deadly. What matters is how we face them. This is what determines our Worthiness to Proceed Further, completing the Blessed Struggle until we receive our Crowns.
This Debilitating Languor of the Spirit is by far the Direst Tribulation of the Soul, indeed the Climax of its Purging Experience. It is similar only to Death. Only under the Wing of the Almighty's Perfect Providence can Man withstand such a Trial, for during this Ordeal the Soul in its Grief, like Job, reaches the point in which it Yearns for Death. During all these Torments, the Afflicted Person is not Totally Deprived of the Hope of God's Mercy. He never stops looking up toward God, even on the Verge of Despair; rather, he Waits for a Great and Wonderful Salvation. Inasmuch as the Tribulation presses Hard, his Soul becomes Clearer and Purer. The Vision of the Almighty's Majesty is Unveiled, together with the Intensity of His Love and Faithfulness toward the Human Soul. Previous Sufferings seem to Fall-like-Scales from the Eyes-of-the-Soul. It is here that the Soul builds up its Faith in God. It is not on the basis of Blessings that Pass-Away, on Protection and Visible Care, nor on Tangible Evidence or Reasonable Proof, but on "the Assurance of things Hoped for, the Conviction of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). In the same way, every Soul that Loves Christ will be, without exception, Vindicated at the End. No matter how Bitter the Spiritual Experience, it still knows its Final Share. It crawls-forward, Injured, but looking toward Christ. The Soul, the 'Forsaken Beloved', calls to Him Who has bought Her with His Blood, never once swerving from Her Trust in Her Lover. Trust may fade-from-view, but is never Lost. Faith may sometimes come-to a Halt, but never comes to an End. Feelings of Love may sink-out-of-sight, yet they are still Preserved in the Depths of the Soul to spring-forth at the End of the Trial with an Invincible Power.
|
|||||||||||||